This is me and I want you to stop telling me what to wear!

Yesterday I ran into a guy that I used to go out with. I ended things with him because, frankly, I wasn’t very interested and he seemed to be primarily interested in one thing and one thing only (I’m sure you can guess). He’s a men’s barber at a fancy salon that caters to K Street types and politicians, and he never seemed to feel any hesitation about telling me his opinions on my looks.

After attempting to ask me out for about the millionth time yesterday, he decided it was an appropriate time to tell me that I looked great, but that he thinks I need to dye my hair brown. He said that with such “pretty dark eyes, dark eyebrows and a nice complexion,” I shouldn’t have “Ke$ha hair.”

Okay, dude.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but guess what? It’s not his choice and I didn’t ask for his opinion. And that’s what I told him.  I’ve become increasingly tired of the men I date telling me how to dress or how to present myself. I’m no one’s property and I don’t appreciate being treated as such.

In the past, ex-boyfriends have told me to do a lot of things. I know they probably didn’t realize how douchey they sounded, so I wrote a little poem to explain it to them. Enjoy! (If you read it with the right cadence, it should rhyme.)

Men like to tell me
to do things their way;
it’s super annoying –
just listen to what they say:

“Cut your hair short;
no, keep it super long;
dye your hair dark;
no, go platinum blonde.

Wear some short shorts;
no, you gotta rock a skirt;
take out your piercing;
do you have a less revealing shirt?

Throw on some high heels;
c’mon, why don’t you wear flats?
Don’t wear any makeup;
You don’t look that great in hats.

Don’t straighten your hair;
just shave your legs twice a day;
don’t smile or you’ll get wrinkles.”
What more can they say?

Men, I’m asking you to stop
telling me exactly what to do;
I’m not your Barbie doll;

So please get a clue!

Disclaimer: I’m sure at times I’ve been overly critical of exes myself, so this poem is somewhat tongue and cheek. Both men and women should try to accept their partners the way they are and support their healthy and safe choices.