Archives for posts with tag: chauvinism

shaming
Photo from Voice of Russia

So, there is this disgusting, misogynist, homophobic loser website called Return of Kings, and their contributor “Tuthmosis” (oooh, big man, using a fake name and all!) wants to educate us all about how you can tell if a girl is a “slut” or not in his article “24 Signs She’s a Slut.” I won’t degrade my blog by linking to it and giving him more web traffic, but a few of the most memorable “signs” include:

  • Having a tattoo, non-ear piercing or dyed hair follicles
  • Using swear words
  • Having divorced parents
  • Not being ticklish (because, of course, that means that she has been HANDLED by a lot of men)
  • Calling herself a feminist

This is what he SHOULD have written, because this is what he really wants to say:

How to Tell if She’s a Slut

Is she female? Then, boom! You’ve got your answer – she’s a slut.

I also have a response post for Tuthmosis:

How to Tell if You’re a Clueless Asshole with Shit for Brains

Did you just call someone a slut based on your own personal chauvinistic views of gender roles and pathetic ideas about how women should behave? BOOM BOOM! You’ve got your answer! Automatic Asshole. (Congrats!)

I know it makes more sense to simply ignore sad misinformed losers like this dude and everyone who contributes to the ROK website (which, coincidentally, also features articles entitled “All Women Are Sheep” and “How to Control Your Woman’s Diet”). But there’s something about the way it was written that made me stop. And that worries me.

It’s just that I can imagine a large number of people I know – both men and women – reading this and not being bothered. Not that I think they would wholeheartedly agree with his 24 Signs of Sluttiness (some of which are just SO ridiculous it’s hard to believe he didn’t write the post as a parody) – but that they might not see how wrong it is foster this type of sexist, slut-shaming mentality in the first place.

I’ve said it once before, and I’ll say it again. STOP slut-shaming! Shaming women for their sexuality is counter-productive. It leads to lower self-esteem for everyone. It perpetuates archaic gender stereotypes. It takes away any semblance of free will and choice that women have in their sexual lives and unfairly labels them as either a Madonna or a Whore.

That’s why I’ve stopped using the word “slut” entirely.  If you ever hear me slip up, please notify me. It’s a word that serves no helpful purpose in our society and only works to keep misogyny alive and well.

I mean, really…if YOU aren’t comfortable with SOMEONE ELSE’s sexual behavior, shouldn’t you be looking at yourself and wondering why what they are doing makes you so freaked out?

Why can’t you just go about your life the way you want and let others do the same, as long as they aren’t causing harm to anyone?

Sounds like a personal problem to me.

NYP2

This is me and I want you to stop telling me what to wear!

Yesterday I ran into a guy that I used to go out with. I ended things with him because, frankly, I wasn’t very interested and he seemed to be primarily interested in one thing and one thing only (I’m sure you can guess). He’s a men’s barber at a fancy salon that caters to K Street types and politicians, and he never seemed to feel any hesitation about telling me his opinions on my looks.

After attempting to ask me out for about the millionth time yesterday, he decided it was an appropriate time to tell me that I looked great, but that he thinks I need to dye my hair brown. He said that with such “pretty dark eyes, dark eyebrows and a nice complexion,” I shouldn’t have “Ke$ha hair.”

Okay, dude.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but guess what? It’s not his choice and I didn’t ask for his opinion. And that’s what I told him.  I’ve become increasingly tired of the men I date telling me how to dress or how to present myself. I’m no one’s property and I don’t appreciate being treated as such.

In the past, ex-boyfriends have told me to do a lot of things. I know they probably didn’t realize how douchey they sounded, so I wrote a little poem to explain it to them. Enjoy! (If you read it with the right cadence, it should rhyme.)

Men like to tell me
to do things their way;
it’s super annoying –
just listen to what they say:

“Cut your hair short;
no, keep it super long;
dye your hair dark;
no, go platinum blonde.

Wear some short shorts;
no, you gotta rock a skirt;
take out your piercing;
do you have a less revealing shirt?

Throw on some high heels;
c’mon, why don’t you wear flats?
Don’t wear any makeup;
You don’t look that great in hats.

Don’t straighten your hair;
just shave your legs twice a day;
don’t smile or you’ll get wrinkles.”
What more can they say?

Men, I’m asking you to stop
telling me exactly what to do;
I’m not your Barbie doll;

So please get a clue!

Disclaimer: I’m sure at times I’ve been overly critical of exes myself, so this poem is somewhat tongue and cheek. Both men and women should try to accept their partners the way they are and support their healthy and safe choices.